Beware Evolving

Sometimes there’s a choice between either going for the experience that seems to be the fastest evolution, the biggest challenge, the most intense opportunity VS. the gentler, looking after one’s fragility, not pushing the wound into too much trauma or drama path. Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves the latter choice because we feel we should be brave, or slave-drive ourselves into an idea of uncompromising progress.

Beware of this.

We are each responsible for looking after this often wounded, vulnerable creature that we are, and for me, that has to come first.
If a challenge feels exciting then great, jump into the fire, but please, never from a ‘should’ or any sense of shame.

We deserve the care only we can give ourselves.

What specific thing can you do today which is only about self-care?


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Take it fully for granted that at any given moment something might unexpectedly happen that you don’t think you want. Some of these things may need to be solved. Others, with a bit of patience and courage, are better to allow, sit-with as they often prove themselves to be gifts in disguise. Some of the greatest gifts in business and at home come cloaked in disaster. But either way, if we are present enough in our lives to be ever watchful for the suckah-punches, and above all EXPECT them, not be continually surprised and disheartened by them, then we are surfing not collapsing. Difficult changes, big and small, are so much more manageable and harvestable when we don’t add the victim drama of becoming a surprise-victim whenever Life is unpredictable.

When we learn to EXPECT edgy twists and turns then the draining victim distraction is taken out of the equation and the actual event you need to face is a whole different, illuminating possibility.


When a writer or composer feels it’s time to create an often paralysing resistance can descend. It’s like fear and dread, even alarm. The excruciating resistance to sitting down and getting on with it is a syndrome that plagues numerous creators, both famously acclaimed and unknown. Why?

The answer is very connected to what a child feels at bed time when it wants to stay up and play. It’s not the just the excitement of being up late, it’s the fear and resistance of the ‘ego’ part of the child which doesn’t want to let go into sleep. The entrenched ego wants to stay in the driving seat and bedtime represents a kind of death, the surrender of consciousness, of the child’s idea of self, of presence. So bedtime, for many children, becomes a drama of refusal and strategic avoidance.

The same is true for the creator because when we sit down to create we have to let our ego dissolve and be taken by the channel. We can’t, as a mere personality and brain, come up with any real magic. We can come up with some good stuff, sometimes even get lucky with a few really good bits, but usually the magic, the genius, the high grade download happens when the thinking mind allows itself to take a back-seat and the juicy ‘Big Mind’ can come through. Great writers and composers are really glorified secretaries in the Listening. It feels edgy to let go in this way and is oddly hardly taught in Creative classes.

The moment before letting the channel take over feels like a death, both because the thinky, ego part doesn’t want to give up it’s power, its autonomy, and also because there’s a fear of the unknown, of the chaos of letting go and maybe not producing anything and feeling disappointment. It’s uncertain if it will yield any gold and that vulnerability is uncomfortable. The dual experience of this death of autonomy and the vulnerability of pessimism are what stop countless writers and composers from sitting down and getting on with it.

If you don’t mind letting your ego dissolve and not knowing if anything good will happen you’ll be much more productive.


Come to INSANELY GIFTED in London this January

When I get severely triggered and lose it, start acting out and behaving in a way I later regret, it’s so compelling that I seem to totally forget myself. Then, when the stormy waves of drama have subsided and I’m back to myself again, whether I’d been swept away by a panic attack, a rage reaction or a jealousy trauma, once it’s over I can hardly remember what it felt like. I find it really hard to even connect to the ‘me’ I was then, only hours before. It’s so easy to feel shame and doom at those moments and even hate myself for slipping so completely into that unconscious ‘acting-out’ state again.

It’s as if the crazy full moon of wounding had come out from behind a cloud and I’d suddenly turned into a Werewolf, totally unaware of who I really am. Then later, after the rampage of destructive or violent behaviour subsided I had found myself with my clothes in rags and those around me upset or scared, or my inner, angry villagers climbing the hill towards me with pitchforks.

It’s so important at this time to turn towards the Sun, the warmth of forgiveness and understanding and be around others who forgive and understand too.

No matter how often we fall, let’s never forget our basic innocence and the innocence of those around us.

Easy does it. Don’t add self harm or judgement to the episode. Today is a new day. We need gentleness.


When someone describes an artist, musician or anyone with ‘natural ability’ as GIFTED they don’t know how literal they are being. When we write a great song or have a great idea we receive it, we don’t ‘think it up’. It pops ‘in’ to our heads. When we’re in a flow writing, we’re not ‘thinking up’ what we are writing word by word, it is flowing into us as we write, fluidly, and we are, at best, transcribing. Great composers and writers are glorified secretaries and yet we are very happy to take the money and the credit. It’s hilarious how the personality takes full credit and will even get indignant protecting ‘my idea’ when they had almost nothing to do with it’s creation or arrival. All the great inspiration is GIFTED and the artist can be acclaimed as GIFTED but the irony is that no artist feels that comfortable being hailed as GIFTED, when it means ’special’, for very long as we all know we did very little to manifest the genius thing that arrived. We ushered it in maybe but we didn’t create it any more than anyone ‘creates’ a great idea that pops into their heads. So all GIFTED people, when praised, paradoxically feel like impostors and frauds….

…and the beat goes on…


I’ve been observing my abject terrors and my habit of creating harrowing scenarios in my head imagining worst case scenarios of what’s going to happen (especially in my relationships) and I was considering what could be the hidden ‘gift’ or grace in all this. Someone told me today, (paraphrasing) ‘it’s great to have the amazing skill of getting out of danger but when that skill starts applying itself to shit that isn’t happening, we have a problem.’

Then I remembered how much ‘escaping’ I had to do as a child and how amazing I got at it, physically and mentally too.

I’ve been exploring how each of our ‘demons’ was once an ally we created to support or protect us in an earlier time of need. Re-meeting them and even giving them new jobs really works – ‘cos once we’ve created them, they’re with us for life. Might as well put ‘em to use.