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Take it fully for granted that at any given moment something might unexpectedly happen that you don’t think you want. Some of these things may need to be solved. Others, with a bit of patience and courage, are better to allow, sit-with as they often prove themselves to be gifts in disguise. Some of the greatest gifts in business and at home come cloaked in disaster. But either way, if we are present enough in our lives to be ever watchful for the suckah-punches, and above all EXPECT them, not be continually surprised and disheartened by them, then we are surfing not collapsing. Difficult changes, big and small, are so much more manageable and harvestable when we don’t add the victim drama of becoming a surprise-victim whenever Life is unpredictable.

When we learn to EXPECT edgy twists and turns then the draining victim distraction is taken out of the equation and the actual event you need to face is a whole different, illuminating possibility.

www.jamiecatto.com

When a writer or composer feels it’s time to create an often paralysing resistance can descend. It’s like fear and dread, even alarm. The excruciating resistance to sitting down and getting on with it is a syndrome that plagues numerous creators, both famously acclaimed and unknown. Why?

The answer is very connected to what a child feels at bed time when it wants to stay up and play. It’s not the just the excitement of being up late, it’s the fear and resistance of the ‘ego’ part of the child which doesn’t want to let go into sleep. The entrenched ego wants to stay in the driving seat and bedtime represents a kind of death, the surrender of consciousness, of the child’s idea of self, of presence. So bedtime, for many children, becomes a drama of refusal and strategic avoidance.

The same is true for the creator because when we sit down to create we have to let our ego dissolve and be taken by the channel. We can’t, as a mere personality and brain, come up with any real magic. We can come up with some good stuff, sometimes even get lucky with a few really good bits, but usually the magic, the genius, the high grade download happens when the thinking mind allows itself to take a back-seat and the juicy ‘Big Mind’ can come through. Great writers and composers are really glorified secretaries in the Listening. It feels edgy to let go in this way and is oddly hardly taught in Creative classes.

The moment before letting the channel take over feels like a death, both because the thinky, ego part doesn’t want to give up it’s power, its autonomy, and also because there’s a fear of the unknown, of the chaos of letting go and maybe not producing anything and feeling disappointment. It’s uncertain if it will yield any gold and that vulnerability is uncomfortable. The dual experience of this death of autonomy and the vulnerability of pessimism are what stop countless writers and composers from sitting down and getting on with it.

If you don’t mind letting your ego dissolve and not knowing if anything good will happen you’ll be much more productive.

www.jamiecatto.com

Come to INSANELY GIFTED in London this January
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/insanely-gifted-open-the-channel-to-direct-inspiration-london-tickets-19557930296?utm-medium=discovery&utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&aff=esfb&utm-source=fb&utm-term=listing

When I get severely triggered and lose it, start acting out and behaving in a way I later regret, it’s so compelling that I seem to totally forget myself. Then, when the stormy waves of drama have subsided and I’m back to myself again, whether I’d been swept away by a panic attack, a rage reaction or a jealousy trauma, once it’s over I can hardly remember what it felt like. I find it really hard to even connect to the ‘me’ I was then, only hours before. It’s so easy to feel shame and doom at those moments and even hate myself for slipping so completely into that unconscious ‘acting-out’ state again.

It’s as if the crazy full moon of wounding had come out from behind a cloud and I’d suddenly turned into a Werewolf, totally unaware of who I really am. Then later, after the rampage of destructive or violent behaviour subsided I had found myself with my clothes in rags and those around me upset or scared, or my inner, angry villagers climbing the hill towards me with pitchforks.

It’s so important at this time to turn towards the Sun, the warmth of forgiveness and understanding and be around others who forgive and understand too.

No matter how often we fall, let’s never forget our basic innocence and the innocence of those around us.

Easy does it. Don’t add self harm or judgement to the episode. Today is a new day. We need gentleness.

www.jamiecatto.com

When someone describes an artist, musician or anyone with ‘natural ability’ as GIFTED they don’t know how literal they are being. When we write a great song or have a great idea we receive it, we don’t ‘think it up’. It pops ‘in’ to our heads. When we’re in a flow writing, we’re not ‘thinking up’ what we are writing word by word, it is flowing into us as we write, fluidly, and we are, at best, transcribing. Great composers and writers are glorified secretaries and yet we are very happy to take the money and the credit. It’s hilarious how the personality takes full credit and will even get indignant protecting ‘my idea’ when they had almost nothing to do with it’s creation or arrival. All the great inspiration is GIFTED and the artist can be acclaimed as GIFTED but the irony is that no artist feels that comfortable being hailed as GIFTED, when it means ’special’, for very long as we all know we did very little to manifest the genius thing that arrived. We ushered it in maybe but we didn’t create it any more than anyone ‘creates’ a great idea that pops into their heads. So all GIFTED people, when praised, paradoxically feel like impostors and frauds….

…and the beat goes on…

www.jamiecatto.com

I’ve been observing my abject terrors and my habit of creating harrowing scenarios in my head imagining worst case scenarios of what’s going to happen (especially in my relationships) and I was considering what could be the hidden ‘gift’ or grace in all this. Someone told me today, (paraphrasing) ‘it’s great to have the amazing skill of getting out of danger but when that skill starts applying itself to shit that isn’t happening, we have a problem.’

Then I remembered how much ‘escaping’ I had to do as a child and how amazing I got at it, physically and mentally too.

I’ve been exploring how each of our ‘demons’ was once an ally we created to support or protect us in an earlier time of need. Re-meeting them and even giving them new jobs really works – ‘cos once we’ve created them, they’re with us for life. Might as well put ‘em to use.

www.jamiecatto.com

MOJO BLAST

This coming Monday eve you can join me from anywhere in the world ONLINE for a Mojo Blast:

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/jamie-cattos-mojo-blast-reignite-your-personal-and-creative-power-online-tickets-19185222517

About MOJO Blast:

In some periods of my life I’ve found myself with less energy and will to accomplish the things I’m passionate about. Sometimes I’ve forgotten how to even connect to that passion for life, relationship and creativity that lives in me.

In this two hour ONLINE workshop we will learn tools to come back to Power, switch on our dormant creative energy and dissolve anything in the way of it.

We’ll explore tangible, down-to-earth processes for waking up that fire in our bellies, to energise ourselves and rediscover the optimism and sense of possibility.

Jamie will share golden tools from his 25 years of creating and launching globally successful projects for optimising success and enjoyment in all our endeavours.

Ticket Prices:

It is my highest vision to ensure that all my workshops and events are 100% inclusive. This idea of anyone missing one of my events for money reasons really bothers me. So although I set a price on the workshops I also offer the option of paying less if the price is out of your range.

I am trusting that folks will meet me in the spirit in which it is offered. I write this now to ask you not to abuse the system in the vein of getting a cheap deal.

Testimonials:

“…a polite warning; prolonged exposure to Jamie Catto could blow your mind…” – The Daily Telegraph

“Jamie Catto is kind, wise, open, boundlessly energetic, optimistic and passionate. I adore him.” – Stephen Fry

“Jamie Catto is a human icebreaker with a prow of determination and a motor of love, slicing through the frozen seas around us.” – Tom Robbins

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/jamie-cattos-mojo-blast-reignite-your-personal-and-creative-power-online-tickets-19185222517

www.jamiecatto.com

Miss Me!

I’ve been telling everyone on my weekends to stop trying to ‘get beyond’ their unwanted behaviours, to stop having an agenda to get rid of their most seemingly shameful characters and less attractive aspects of themselves, but to welcome them and love them as if they’re never going away. The actions we take to ‘heal’ them can often come from a place of wanting those parts of ourselves to leave and never come back. It’s ironic because we spend so much time hoping no one will ever abandon us but then abandon our own selves whenever we decide that these uncomfortable feelings are ‘not ok for us to feel’ and so take steps to eradicate them. It can be a thin line between healing and self-rejection.

I have such non-acceptance of the needy, ‘terrified of being unwanted’ part of me, the one that’s so fearful around being abandoned and often gets into an instant trauma reaction whenever I interpret or translate something my partner has innocently said as meaning “you don’t care if I’m around or not, you are ambivalent to me”. The belief or story I then tell myself that ‘I don’t matter’, ‘I am irrelevant’, ‘I am not wanted’ rushes up and feels so painful in me – so true in that moment – that I launch into a strategy of indirectly pressuring her to say something to cancel it out. I project on to her that ’she doesn’t love me enough’ when that particular pain and fear rushes up in me and end up creating that very reaction of her taking distance from my whining, needing space from me wishing that she was somehow different from how she is. I get threatened by her independence sometimes. When I do this I end up trying to use her to feel more secure, often tiring her out in a very unsexy way and worse, delivering her the very feeling of being unwanted that I’m desperately trying to avoid instead of simply owning my pain and asking for support.

When this happened yesterday I felt so ashamed and frustrated with this part of me that the idea, that I keep recommending to my workshoppers, of welcoming it and accepting it felt far, far away. Annoyingly, it’s the very time when this character needs me the most, when he’s most activated and in pain and has made a terrible mess that is the absolute hardest time for me to be accepting of him and caring, instead of shaming and rejecting him.

Now that the surge of pain has died down I see how upsetting it must feel to be told by me “I wish you were more like this” – and for her to feel abandoned for just being herself in that moment. Ouch! When I’m not responsibly showing up to say ‘I’m triggered’ but instead trying to argue with her about how she expressed something to me, I am basically attempting to use her for something ‘Jamie needs’ instead of loving her for who she is – and then on top of that drawing her into an hour long exchange where she feels she needs to defend and explain herself leaving her both unmet and even more tired…I wish I had reigned it in quicker when it arose in me.

She rightly challenges me with ‘why would you not want me to be content having a great time without you?’ I of course, in my truth, do want that for her. Is there a base level fear that if she has a great time without me it will speed my inevitable abandonment? Why do I need to feel needed? Even though I’ve made big steps of healing in this and my batting average of not unconsciously slipping into this mode has got better, when I get triggered, sometimes with alarmingly little provocation, it can still take me up to an hour or more to be responsible, and a lot of damage can be done in that time. If I notice the same man ‘liking’ three of her facebook posts in a row, suddenly I am worried that I’m doomed, trawling for trouble in the self-deception that I’m trying to keep ‘Jamie’ safe – so self sabotaging!

There’s a 15 yr old Jamie who lives in me still carrying the dejection of walking home alone from the pub that he was too young to be allowed into when all his friends were inside having fun not needing him or remembering him as he trudged home to spend Saturday night by himself – and there’s an even earlier Jamie who felt this loneliness at being left behind and unwanted in his childhood. It likely goes back even further, but the self-caring truth is that this little terrified lad that lives in me needs the adult ‘me’ to actively create the reality he needs, be willing to feel his feelings with him, and while asking for support from others, to be vulnerable and not expect anyone else to deliver the feeling of ‘core nourishment’ for him. It’s too much responsibility to hand over the job of ‘make sure I never feel insecure’ to someone else. Even with my full life of kids and workshops and friendships and creating art when I’m apart from her, at the time that I slip up I almost feel like I’ve made zero progress in this. So once again I’m practicing self forgiveness and requesting hers.

‘If only neediness and begging were attractive qualities.’ Woody Allen

www.jamiecatto.com