Everything starts healing by itself when I discard my mind’s first interpretation of what just hurt or worried me and catch myself (just in time!) to refrain from assuming the negative version that my mind just offered is ’the truth’.
The framing of what just happened is everything. My pessimistic or victim-led thinking, leaping in as a kind of immature and panicked self-protection, has sold itself as ‘real’ for so long I never used to question it, but I’ve learnt that on closer inspection, it’s the ‘meanings’ I add to ‘what just happened’, not so much the thing itself, that really hurts me, and nearly ALL of the time I am misinterpreting others’ intentions.
“That means they don’t love me.”
“That means they don’t respect me.”
“That means they don’t care about my feelings.”
“That means I’m worthless or a failure.”
“That means I’m unwelcome.”
None of it means that. You hear me?
When I stay present and awake in those moments and notice my body reactions and negative thinking trying to seduce me, I am less quick to get sucked in. I remember that I can also choose to consider giving them or the catastrophic version the benefit of the doubt, suspend judgement, even dare an optimistic attitude for once? A least a more balanced view – even when the reactive churning is taking place.
Do they really have no respect for your feelings? Or might they have just been tired or distracted that day with their own melodrama?
Let’s let each other, and ourselves, off the hook! I’m calling an amnesty for all knee jerk pessimism and overreaction this weekend, startingggggggggggg….
(See you next weekend in Totnes and Exeter or join me Monday for the Sacred Fool adventure)