Archive for January, 2015

There’s a notion that there’s a perfection to how Life plays out for each of us, that there’s some perfectly crafted Soul’s curriculum being benevolently offered to Us alongside the simultaneous pain and suffering that the human creature in us experiences. Although that model does include it all being ‘perfect’ from one perspective, to use that idea of ‘it’s all perfect’ to avoid fully feeling the human discomfort, as an anaesthetic to the very raw and vividly felt waves we feel as humans when something hurts or disappoints us, to ‘run upstairs’ proclaiming “it’s all perfect, it was meant to be…tra la la…” is inefficient.

A powerful challenge is to fully feel the human going ouch while AT THE SAME TIME fully experience the Witness in us that’s not sucked into the drama but just watching, going “ah…interesting…” and scribbling an important note in it’s file.

I’m here to FEEL with all my emotions and nerve endings and waves and tremors and bliss-outs and melt-downs. So when it gets shaky I can be the first to meet myself and go “stay with it brother, keep breathing”…


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Don’t Fall In Love With A Warrior

As his love will cast such blazing illumination upon you

That the darkest edges of your resistance will be etched too vividly for you to ever ignore again.

You will be faced with yourself in his reflection, and fixed with his gaze.

His care will trigger weeping for all the unloved places that had ’til now been left unheld

And you will be faced with your grief and your rage

And there will be a melting.

But though he’ll never save you from your pain

He will sit beside you, matching your breath

Supporting you invisibly until dawn rises again

Until your ribs ache with the opening

Revealing new spaces for your heart to reinhabit.

He will call you back to yourself from the caves where you’ve hid

Hid your power from the world, and from your self,

He’ll plant a question in your soul

And demand an answer.

Are you ready to love yourself so deeply and be matched in that love?

He’ll burn all your maps of the past

Dissolving the paths that led us here

To fix upon the only moment where love resides

Will you surrender to his fingertips?

Even when you fear the echoes of your past urging you to escape?

For he’ll touch your cheek so lightly that your memories of violence will rise so they may fade.

Can you feel safe and powerful without being needed?

As he is complete unto himself and knows how to hold himself on his own lonely nights.

Can you be held without being grasped?

Can you be led without domination?

Can you be an equal?

When he points to the horizon can you see what he imagines just beyond sight?

Will you join him on a journey

Deep into your raw and aching hearts

To discover treasure and Union and surrender?

He will penetrate you to your core

Eyes locked

Nodding so slowly as he

Sees you

Held firm.

For he’s discovered your hiding places

And remains undaunted Patient.

He’s seen your crown that you pretended was a veil

He’s seen the wounds around your neck transforming into jewels

And will never let them take you again

To that fire.

He waits at the base of the tower

Open handed

Ready to ride.


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Disappointment is all about sticking too rigidly to a model, an idea we have of ‘how it should be’ – or how someone else ‘should’ be. But we don’t know others’ paths, it’s all so complex. Some souls are here to experiment with deceit, some with cowardice, some with loneliness – it’s all so complex. All we can do is leave analysis of ‘why’ behind us as there’s no formula that fits everyone. If you want to shift this feeling, question your own expectations – see if you can even accept behaviours and events that make no sense to you – see if you can get more comfortable with not knowing.

It’s only our expectations that hurt us in these times. And our expectations are our own responsibility, even when they seem totally natural and understandable. We can be surprised, even shocked, but always knowing it’s our fixed model that’s hurting us.


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