Archive for August, 2018

I’ve been getting myself into a bit of trouble recently online with my attempts to lead the men back to the women and the women back to the men. Maybe my offerings and opinions are a bit hard to swallow or maybe it’s just too soon, with the #metoo movement, to include men’s vulnerability and needs alongside the women’s. But I strongly believe that the journey back towards each other needs both the men and the women to step towards each other at the same time and somehow dissolve the violence and trauma of our ancestors.

That’s why Ruby May and I have been working very hard to create a brand new workshop for singles and for couples – BITCHES & BASTARDS – and there are two dates already planned in Amsterdam and London with Berlin and Copenhagen about to be confirmed…

Because what if our shadows could be turned into treasures and become the fodder for intimacy, deepening, and growth?

Many of us run away from the difficult and dark sides of relationships or feel like ‘something must be going wrong’ when dramas and conflicts arise, but what if the pain is a sign that something is going right? What if our loved ones were the perfect triggers for us to resolve the wounds we have accumulated around relating and truly stepping into our power? What if life was inviting us to turn towards the challenges, rather than away from them?


It’s time for us to transform the suffering sides of ourselves which arise so dramatically in our relationships, friendships, at home and at work. It’s time to stop struggling with the taboos, hiding the shameful, painful parts of ourselves, which get triggered when we get closer to others.

The more we feel shame for how we are, and what we truly deep down want, the more destructive we become. Our neediness, our sense of entitlement, our rage, our sense of being superior or inferior, our disempowerment, our selfishness – these turn us into Bitches and Bastards when they are not consciously accepted and integrated.


Ruby May and I warmly invite you to a contained space to illuminate and transform the shadows which can run riot in our relationships…


During our two days we will:

  • Explore the power of humour and lightness to transform that which is buried or painful or the issues we feel shame around.
  • Learn to recognise the multiple ways we give our power away – such as through manipulation, avoidance, control, blame or playing the victim – and explore who we are beyond this.
  • Discover how our childhood attachment experiences affect the way we relate later in life, bringing more understanding and compassion to ourselves and our partners.
  • Deepen our connection to our bodies, and explore tools to support staying in the present moment and learn how to recognise and deal with reactivity.
  • Explore emotions as signs that we have a need that is important to us, learn how to identify our needs and practice and take home tools for giving and receiving effective communication from the heart.
  • Learn about the neuroscience behind why we react the way we do and marvel at the ingenuity of our bodies and brains!

As we come into our ‘enoughness’, we can change our focus to what it is we wish to create in life and wish to give to our partners, rather than what we can ‘get’. Viewing relationships as a vehicle for our growth, we begin to see ourselves as the safe-guarders, rather than judgers of each other’s shadows.

Whether you are single or in an intimate relationship, Bitches & Bastards will take you on a journey deep within, balancing vulnerability with playfulness, depth with humour.

Ruby and I warmly invite to to join us for this amazing new workshop. The dates for this one so far, are:
6/7 October – BITCHES & BASTARDS – Amsterdam

24/25 November – BITCHES & BASTARDS – London

8/9 December – BITCHES & BASTARDS – Berlin or Copenhagen

Please comment below if you want to know more or to remind me of my white male privilege…

Hope to see you in the room though


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At these times it really helps me and REMINDS me to list the many elements in my life which feed me as (before I was enlightened) I used to think ‘only that one person gives me that ‘everything is ok’ feeling’ – So I remind myself to spread my sources of fulfilment more evenly including friends, self care (you just feel better showered and moisturised), my kids, music and books and films, nature, comedy, being in service, being creative, and above all being curious about the painful feelings inside as if I have a radar to feel them, like I’m a wine taster of them because when you turn towards them with welcoming interest the body’s genius discharges not only the present painful waves but, (if you’re willing), also lots of emotional pain which has accumulated in the body with all the suppression and battering of past decades.

Listen inside with a welcoming curiosity and say aloud “I am now a human who is willing to feel some of my uncomfortable feelings.” .
(ps I’m not currently experiencing heartbreak so that’s not what I meant by ‘these times’ and there’s no need for any supportive outpouring)


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