To me, taming our inner slave-drivers (and critics) has to be one of the first things on the list if we’re interested in self-development and self-care, for unless we have a good handle on those cheeky, insidious demons, it’s all too easy for them to hijack proceedings and spoil all the tender fun – and in fact, set us back steps: “tsk…you haven’t done any yoga this week” – “look how needy you are – look how greedy you are – get a grip!” Those old, urgent yet misguided characters that live in our heads, trying to keep us in line the best, childlike way they know how, can (and often do) use all the data we’ve gathered in our mindfulness experiences to back up their out-dated, self-flagelating patterns and beliefs. Tutting at ourselves, calling ourselves names under our breath. The negative self-talk can creep in at any moment, especially in moments of sudden chaos or when we’re feeling overwhelmed.
When we tie bells to the ankles of these pesky critters we have a chance to operate from the only truly efficient place which is kindness and patience. The kind me and the kind You would never treat ourselves, or anyone else, with disdain or dismissal. The kind me and the kind You would never enforce those values and beliefs. The kind me and the kind You often falls asleep when the slave-driver or critic comes to call.
The game is to stay awake, see them coming, and above all, without banishing them, NEVER let elevate them to having any gravitas or decision-making power.
In these moments, the most efficient I can be is to ask ‘what is the legitimate need behind this toxic character’s behaviour?’ If that character is piping up, to me, it must mean that there’s something underneath which is feeling anxious or unfed or in need of some self-care. A good way to find out what it is is to ask the character itself. It takes a moment of dropping the solving, analytical perspective and just asking with curiosity:
“What do you really need?”
A moment of space, listening, and something Life’s Genius was trying to flag for you rises to the surface. Now the slave-driver has been transformed into an illuminator.
We have these skills and abilities. All it takes is to STOP – LISTEN – FEEL – and the kind, wakeful, resilient person we really are comes to the fore. That Presence never leads us wrong or denigrates us.
That’s why they say it’s all within. Do we dare stop and listen for it? It can be vulnerable to trust ourselves. Can we be a little bit vulnerable willingly?
It’s full of treasure.
(do come to Bristol, London, Manchester, Chester, Bournemouth, Brighton, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Glastonbury, Totnes, Corfu or Nepal)
