This is a blog for women who care about men being attracted to them visually (though not only visually).
Ladies, I feel compelled to fill you in on a great truth! You are being lied to about the importance of your weight when it comes to attracting men! Would you be surprised to learn that for us men, it is FAR more central to our attraction to you that you hold yourself beautifully than how curvy you are. I know many women who, to those diet and weight-obsessed among you, might be considered ‘overweight’, yet to me, if they hold themselves beautifully, they are MILES more attractive than a thin women who slumps in her seat, or walks droopily. If a woman holds herself confidently, with grace and aligned posture, her attractiveness shines through no matter how much she weighs. Of course there are some clinically-obese women who some would acknowledge fall outside of this category but within the scope of the un-clnicallly obese, you would be amazed at how posture is the REAL factor in visual attraction for us men, not weight.
You could have a trim, fit, healthy body which fits the accepted dimensions of the female-read Gloss Magazines criteria for sexiness but if you slump in your seat, hold yourself poorly and walk with no grace, you will be far less attractive to a man than a woman who is curvier, weighs more but holds herself with confidence and elegance.
When I see promises of miracle diets on your magazines I always despair and think to myself: if these women spent half as much time addressing their posture as they did agonising about their weight then all their perceived man-attracting problems would be solved!
Please try it for a week. Balance a book on your head, think to yourself ‘how would a totally confident woman sit in this chair? – how would she walk down this street? How would she enter this room?’ – practice these kinds of questions and experiments and I promise you you will be amazed at the difference. You will receive compliments from men and women all over the place, often mistaking your new radiance for weight loss!
Please, on behalf of all men, give this idea a try and share with us below any results.
P.S. please don’t write to me to tell me that visual attraction is a shallow thing with which to concern oneself. We all know a real, connected, present relationship is not based on the visual attraction alone.
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This is true. I am 6 ft tall (and have been this height since I was 14) and my mum has always drummed in to me from a young age to stand tall and proud – I think she was fearful I would stoop to try and blend in with my shorter peers, especially during my teenage years when young teenage boys can be very cruel with marginalising anyone that doesn’t fit in to the ‘average’ category. Yoga is great for embracing good posture and allignment – dropping your shoulders and imaginging you are being pulled by a string from the top point of your head. I haven’t necessarily considered that postural allignment is something that attracts men, but if a woman is happy from within and stands tall and strong with an open heart, of course that’s more attractive than stooping and closing yourself off from the world. Interesting insight. Thanks Jamie.
Good work Jamie… for all of us, how we walk is simply an extension of how we project into this reality… literally how we move through life, and this is interpreted almost unconsciously by others so of course, someone who stands proudly (without arrogance) and who strides with confidence towards the next adventure (be that a relationship, a new job, a trek across the desert or to the checkout at the supermarket) will be more attractive to others. Bizarrely (or perhaps not), we have been doubly conditioned to 1. be smaller than we are, to fold ourselves in and not step into our true magnificence and 2. To look at those who do and say (generally to ourselves or backhandedly to our friends) “who do they think they are?” because it’s less scary to pull others down than step up ourselves. Is it not better to be saying or thinking… “Holy shit! why am i dragging myself through this life?? I’m gonna strut my funky, sexy stuff!” So, not just the ladies… EVERYONE… take heed… project into this world who you REALLY are… when we all walk tall, what a world it’ll be! Thanks JC… loving this blog… be well, heal fast! x
Ahahahahahahahaaaaa.
Stilt-walking helps…x
I dislike your blog post. I think that your focus on women wishing to attract men is perpetuating a stereo type of women into which I, and many others do not fall. It suggests to me a somewhat desperate and attention focused creature who feels she needs to somehow change herself simply to please/ allure men. How well we women have come to know this view of us in our long histories, to the point that it often remains ingrained, even in our younger generations.
I am not suggesting you intend to perpetuate this perception Jamie- you clearly wish to help us poor girls who dont know what we need to change in order to please a man. But now you are here, apparently speaking on behalf of ALL men, we are saved. We will put a book on our heads for a day and men will throw themselves at us.
You ask us women to think about how a confident woman would sit in a chair. Surely rather than reading your blog and imitating a confident woman, solely for the purpose of attracting a man, we girls should read blogs which encourage us to recognise our great wisdom and beauty in the eyes of our selves, not some prospective beau. No woman can be confident because a man pays her interest; she must know from inside that she is worthy of it, even when no body bats and eye lid. And forgive me, but as fabulous as good posture is, it certainly isnt going to help her with that!
I get where you are coming from, really I do. I think you are trying to be nice. Out loud, you are saying, “hey women, you can tell the media to shove it and just focus on things that are good for you, like yoga and standing with poise and dignity. Eats cake and stand tall sista’s”. And that’s lovely. But while you are saying all that out loud, somewhere very quietly there is a voice that came out without you even knowing, which says “hey women, you should really be thinking hard about what we guys find attractive, or you might just end up alone”,
thanks, you are assuming a lot in your post, please read the opening and closing lines again. Heterosexual Women do want to attract men, and HS Men do want to attract women (apart from small % of folks who prefer no partnerships). This doesn’t mean they should only attend to the visual by any means but here I am addressing the visual obsession with weight when really if you’re gonna focus on the visual, posture is more significant. Truly, if you ‘recognise our great wisdom and beauty in the eyes of our selves’ then you will eminate the grace I’m writing about, and attracting men will be a side issue – pleasant to most.
Have you read any of my other blogs? Do you feel I’m missing encouraging women to focus on the truths you outlined? Please read the 13 Intimacy blogs and tell me if you feel my angle is shallow or one-sided.
The voice in your head that responded “hey women, you should really be thinking hard about what we guys find attractive, or you might just end up alone” isn’t me.
Thank you, I am not sure I have assumed much. I shared my own opinion and response to the statements made by you. I thought I expressed that this is my own personal reaction to it. I have never read any of your other blogs, so cannot and did not respond to anything beyond this one, but would be happy to read the one you suggested. I also did read your opening and closing statements, which remark upon your focus on the visual- but this is actually not what I commented on.
There is no denying that people usually wish to attract other people, whatever their sexuality, and that visual attraction makes up part of that. I accept that and enjoy the rituals of attraction and connection greatly in my personal life. But I enjoy this because I feel the value in somebody being attracted to me- at least if I am attracted to them in what ever form that takes. This value I feel stems from being appreciated for what I am, naturally, as I would be with or without eyes upon me. You focus on what men want, but as women, what many of US want is to be attractive to men for who or what we are when we are happy with ourselves, not when we are trying to make them happy. Your blog does not say this; it is closer to saying that we should focus on what a man is attracted to and then we will be happy. And this is, in my opinion, back to front.
I also take issue with just how much value you place on your own opinion, for example when you tell us “if these women spent half as much time addressing their posture as they did agonising about their weight then all their perceived man-attracting problems would be solved!”. That is quite some claim.
You also say ” on behalf of all men, give this idea a try”. Are you really in a position to speak on behalf of all men? I think it is you who may have assumed a lot, not me.
Ultimately, you may be saying that women should project dignity and pride and this finds no argument with me, but for the point of this to be for a man will find it attractive? Well, it misses the actual point entirely.
Please read the opening and closing lines again. The message is simple – if you’re going to concentrate on the visual then you’d do better to focus on posture than weight. Simple. It isn’t a debate on whether you should or shouldn’t focus on the visual. Some do, some don’t. If you’d like to debate that issue then let’s wrote a blog about it and discuss it. This blog isn’t that one.
When you write ‘I also did read your opening and closing statements, which remark upon your focus on the visual- but this is actually not what I commented on.’ You’re saying you want to comment on a different issue than the one I wrote about. That’s ok with me, but then either write a different blog or own that you aren’t addressing mine. Otherwise it comes off as changing the subject to push your own agenda, not to broaden or discuss what’s actually been mooted here.
You take issue with how much value I place on my opinion? Who’s should I place value on then, yours? I stand by my opinions and messages and sometimes have fun expressing them dogmatically. Out of the thousands who read them and write to me, there are some who don’t like my style and get emotionally triggered. Should I try and satisfy you and them? I’m enjoying myself. If you don’t enjoy the way I write then stop reading. I’ll continue to make my claims which are of course my own truths.
You tell me I missed a point entirely that I never sought to make. I missed YOUR point which you didn’t write, on your own blog or mine. This feels like an odd complaint to me.
ps are you sitting up straight?
Haha, that did genuinely make me laugh, and yes! I am sitting up straight, despite it being late.
You say you stand by your opinions, but you are not simply expresing your opinions; what you are expressing is the opinion of ALL men. Rubbish. No one can.
You say that by not commenting on what you say in your opening and closing statement, I am pushing my own agenda, but what I am responding to is what is implicit in your writings content between those sentences, i.e. your focus on what women need to change to attract men. It is a shame you are so rigid in your ability to reflect in this but perhaps you simply do not wish to own this- I can see why.
You say I should get my own blog, but of you do not wish to be challenged then you should not leave a comment space.
You say that you never sought to make the point which I say you missed (“Ultimately, you may be saying that women should project dignity and pride and this finds no argument with me, but for the point of this to be for a man will find it attractive? Well, it misses the actual point entirely.”) but that is explicitly the point you made!! Consistently throughout this piece you reflect on womens ability to make men find them attractive by changing something about them- in this instance their posture and their projection of confidence.
That is all. Thanks.
Of course I can’t literally speak for all men but I’m still right 😛
Also, I love to be challenged, but challenged about what I’m writing about, Namely: ‘if you’re going to concentrate on the visual then you’d do better to focus on posture than weight’
Whether we should or shouldn’t concern ourselves with being visually attractive and what the opposite sex are into is a null point to me. Many/most are concerned with this visual thing, including you probably (send me a pic and I’ll decide) – I’m not judging it – it’s prevalent – look on the shelves of the news-stands or any male/female media. It doesn’t challenge me to say ‘it’s wrong to concern ourselves with appearances’ – that ship has sailed. I don’t think my blog runs the risk of encouraging folks who don’t attach importance to visual attractiveness to suddenly change their values. (Although it’s my belief the ones with shrinking, hiding posture could empower their souls by addressing this issue).
Confidence is more sexy than calorie counting, and sometimes to act as if you are confident is a way to feeling it inside.
Thanks for your clarifications.
Ps I think asking me to read 13 other pieces by you is a bit much dont you? Surely the point of a good piece of writing is that it presents a balanced view within itself?
However, is there a particular one which you would recommend? Or perhaps you now have come to the conclusion that no good could come of it as I would probably only read my own agenda into it anyway…
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loved this dialogue. well done both. x
Couldn’t have said it better myself Jamie, I have always felt women are so sexy when they hold themselves well, the same can be said for men 😉
If we just forget about the ‘attracting men’ bit for a minute, a good posture has the same kind of effect as a smile. A solution to feeling a bit low is to put your face into the smile position. This apparently releases certain chemicals in the brain which make you feel happier and the virtuous cycle begins. I believe it is similar with our postures. Even if we are not feeling confident, just putting our bodies into a good posture position can actually help us to feel confident and when we feel confident, we behave confidently and naturally stand taller. This makes us attractive to all those we meet, men and women. People feel confident around confident people. Apparently, even the small hint of a smile on someone else’s face is perceived by our brains and can change the way we respond to any given situation….so lets all stand confidently and smile! It could make someone else’s day! 😉
You are right Jamie, I wholeheartedly agree. I may just want to attract a man to exchange a smile, a laugh, a joke and then a goodbye, but it works, for sure self confidence, self love is very attractive and very sexy.. despite appearances. And it feels really good! I believe it’s just naturally they way we all want to be, free to connect without the baggage. When I allow myself that space, to be that, despite my imperfections…wow..I allow it for everybody. And being the woman (or man) in the crowd, noticing and celebrating it for some else that is having their moment, free of envy or jealousy…that’s the way. ;P
true and the same holds true for men!
I think you make a good point here about how women carry themselves. Putting the book on the head is an excellent idea! It kind of reiterates a lot of what this guy says too:
http://blogs.davelozinski.com/datingandrelationships/tips-for-attracting-quality-men-online-part01
It’s all about how you carry yourself ladies and what you project. Maybe there’s something to be said for those cultures who walk around carrying baskets on their heads? 🙂