I believe that Intimacy is the most precious and sought after experience on Earth. Whether we are merging with our lover, playing with our kids, hanging out with our closest friends and family, or just connecting deeply with ourselves, that sensation of Unity and Connection feels like an ecstatic relief from our daily, isolated individuated existence.
For me, there are many different aspects of true intimacy and ways in which to connect to others and yourselves from embracing imperfection to deep listening to knowing how to clearly ask for what you want and more. I delve further into this with fun exercises for your exploration in my Intimacy Playbook, which you can find here.
Here are 4 forms of intimacy that especially inspire me, that I think are key to connection:
1) Intimacy with my Lover.
This has so much to do with dissolving old unconscious behaviours and strategies which fog intimacy. Ways I manipulate and control, even in subtle ways, to stay safe and in my ‘perceived’ comfort zone. A huge amount of mutual appreciation and effortless Intimacy lies behind these busy blocks. Intimacy arises effortlessly, naturally when we’re all in the lightened-up, no nonsense space together and we realise that the thing in the way is only a mirage and once arrived at, has no substance.
2) Intimacy with everyone in my life.
This means not turning up to work every day having to pretend I’m not crazy for everyone. I am crazy, you are, we all are, and I believe that the amount of energy we waste keeping up a mask, a role for everyone, a smaller than me version of myself, a crippled brochure of ‘just my appropriate parts’, is incredibly limiting as a lover, parent, artist, human.
We’re all addicted to approval from birth. So all my violent self-editing due to my approval addiction is really a manipulation to make you behave in a way I want, approving and accepting me, rather than risk how you might behave if I showed you my big, unapologetic, whole self. I want to loosen that stuff up. I am turned off by your appropriateness. In fact I find it provocative. It makes me want to go to the edge of it with you and see what’s really there.
Why save intimacy for the closest people in our lives when we can find ways to be true and intimate with acquaintances we see on a day to day basis?
3) Intimacy with myself.
I have rushed into so many decisions and actions without really checking in with myself in the moment ‘what I actually want’. Things I take for granted, things I make myself do, things I deny myself due to limiting beliefs. I want the space to really listen to me. No one else will meet my needs no matter what they promise. No one will know my needs if I don’t ask myself what I need and then communicate it to others. I need to give myself more space and not force myself through experiences that I don’t really want just because it’s expected or ‘what I’ve always done’.
4) Intimacy with all the unexpected circumstances of my life.
This one really excites me. When something unexpected or not ‘what I ordered’ happens in my life, my old reaction would be to immediately control it, and ‘guide’ it back to how I originally wanted it. But now I want to leave more space. I choose to listen more to how these circumstances that I usually resist might actually be a gift, a benevolent beckoning from my soul to invite me back to a more honest, whole, version of myself.
The characters that turn up to challenge me feel like they’ve been sent over by Central Casting to be just that kind of person who would make me react in that way and see what an overactive diva I can be! I believe the whole of external reality is set up to invite me back to presence. This is how I begin to trust what’s going on and above all participate with what crosses my path.
There’s a whole lot more to it but this is a digestible chunk sharing a little bit about the forms of intimacy that I find inspiring and key to really connecting beyond the masks.
For my free Intimacy ebook with 36 exercises to play with, just sign up to my mailing list on my website (I won’t spam you, promise.)