When we feel a wonderful connection with someone and then they unexpectedly back off, it’s so easy to get insecure and think ‘is it me?’ or ‘what’s wrong with me?’ Don’t worry! You are a deep, powerful person, capable of very intense and real realms and not everyone can handle this, not everyone wants to go so deep, it can bring up too much vulnerability or edginess for them. This is no reflection on you, apart from a compliment, and yes, it can be lonely being so fucking cool! Don’t worry, don’t make yourself ‘less’. Just be you and eventually the right people who are at your level do stick around.
Also observe (lovingly and without judgement or impatience) your neediness, your lack, your worry, other sensations which don’t feel good for you. Observe them, appreciate and forgive them, give yourself patience and spaciousness. The child in you is very young and sometimes insecure. It is the same for me, for you, for all of us. Sometimes we reject these parts of ourselves but that is self-abandoning. It’s this self-abandoning that is more important to focus on than the perceived rejection from others. We can’t know what they need in their lives right now, but we do know what WE need – our loving awareness and presence, not judging and doubting ourselves. These uncomfortable, insecure places are part of all of us. Everyone. Most people hide from this stuff, escape, turn to addictions, numb themselves, but we are turning TOWARDS this stuff and this is a healing not just for you and for me but for everyone who comes into contact with us.
Carry on. I believe in you.