Why so much about Intimacy and what do we get up to on these weekends?
For me, Intimacy comes in 4 levels, or at least there’s 4 things that especially inspire me right now.
1) Intimacy with my Lover: this has so much to do with dissolving old unconscious behaviours and strategies which fog intimacy. Ways I manipulate and control, even in subtle ways, to stay safe and in my ‘perceived’ comfort zone. A huge amount of mutual appreciation and effortless Intimacy lies behind these busy blocks. Intimacy arises effortlessly, naturally when we’re all in the lightened-up, no nonsense space together and we realise that the thing in the way is only a mirage and once arrived at, has no substance.
2) Intimacy with everyone in my life: which means not turning up to work every day having to pretend I’m not crazy for everyone. I am crazy, you are, we all are, and I believe that the amount of energy we waste keeping up a mask, a role for everyone, a smaller than me version of myself, a crippled brochure of ‘just my appropriate parts’, is incredibly limiting as a lover, parent, artist, human. We’re all addicted to approval from birth. So all my violent self-editing due to my approval addiction is really a manipulation to make you behave in a way I want, approving and accepting me, rather than risk how you might behave if I showed you my big, unapologetic, whole self. I want to loosen that stuff up. I am turned off by your appropriateness. In fact I find it provocative. It makes me want to go to the edge of it with you and see what’s really there.
3) Intimacy with myself: I have rushed into so many decisions and actions without really checking in with myself in the moment ‘what I actually want’. Things I take for granted, things I make myself do, things I deny myself due to limiting beliefs. I want the space to really listen to me. No one else will meet my needs no matter what they promise. No one will know my needs if I don’t ask myself what I need and then communicate it to others. I need to give myself more space and not force myself through experiences that I don’t really want just because it’s expected or ‘what I’ve always done’.
4) This really excites me – Intimacy with all the unexpected circumstances of my life – when something unexpected or not ‘what I ordered’ happens in my life, my old reaction would be to immediately control it, and ‘guide’ it back to how I originally wanted it. But now I want to leave more space. I choose to listen more to how these circumstances that I usually resist might actually be a gift, a benevolent beckoning from my soul to invite me back to a more honest, whole, version of myself. The characters that turn up to challenge me feel like they’ve been sent over by Central Casting to be just that kind of person who would make me react in that way and see what an over-reactive diva I can be! I believe the whole of external reality is set up to invite me back to presence. This is how I begin to trust what’s going on and above all participate with what crosses my path.
all Creative and Intimacy weekends at www.jamiecatto.com – turn right at the crossroads