Loving Me

I’m learning that loving myself means not doing anything to evolve, but just doing things because they look like fun – and there may be evolution involved along the way, yes! But choosing to take actions (or workshops) or ‘work’ on a certain personal issue feels unloving to myself where I am right NOW. As if doing so is making a statement that ‘Jamie is not OK like this, we need to make changes’. How violent that feels to me now. There are certain qualities or characteristics I have that I might have in the past said – “oh, I wish I was less like this” or “I wish I was more like that”, and I would even imagine ways that I was going to be rejected or abandoned if I didn’t get closer to perfection and improve those limiting aspects of myself. Now I realise that Perfection is observing my own unique characteristics, weaknesses and strengths, attractions and repulsions, and allowing myself to be just like this, with no agenda for any of it to change, but just to choose the most inspiring and non violent paths open to me to experience this unique collection of my ‘ways’, easy and challenging, in a creative, fun and loving life.

The whole notion of ‘working on myself’ suddenly feels unloving to Me right now. Curious. It feels like a statement of lack, of judgement that something about me should be other than it is. So, yes, I could go to a workshop or a therapist and get better at ‘dealing with my issues’, learn the triggers, analyse where they were born and how they took root. I could see the negative beliefs that got stuck there and devise techniques to get better at catching myself, saving myself from falling into those traps again


I could gently observe myself playing out all those issues and accept that I am a unique, freaky, sensitive, being – someone who finds certain scenarios stressful or even unbearable, and take responsibility for protecting myself, giving myself what I need when triggered, and not making myself wrong, or un-evolved for being this crazy or for avoiding certain things.

Ironically, I have a hunch that the second option will allow those blocks enough space to morph, even dissolve, quicker than the first option, that may be a by-product – but not the aim. It feels exciting now to really let myself be possessive or materialistic, or angry or totally selfish, with full awareness and love, and not get caught in the trap of working to change or protect those around me from their judgements and reactions.

Can I love myself even if I never evolve another inch?

Paradoxically, this ‘not doing anything to evolve’, but only observing and accepting what’s there, feels like it has the potential to allow deeper invisible yet powerful energies in me to shift – more potential for liberation than all the self help books and self-awareness workshops rolled into one.



  1. Wow Jamie. This comes at a perfect time for me…I separated from my wife last year and recently found myself in a new relationship (that just ended)…I found a lot of my old patterns coming up for me in this new relationship that I thought I had dealt with after my separation…so admittedly I’ve been a bit hard on myself, trying to analyze my issues and deal with them. I wanted to be a different way than I am to have a better chance at making this relationship succeed…and in the hopes to make future relationships succeed.

    But maybe you are right…just learn to self-love and accept my “faults” and not try so hard to change them. Thanks so much for posting this.

  2. Thank you JC.
    Spot on, helpful, as ever.
    Even when we’re broken, maybe we don’t need fixing, just holding, so we can naturally, instinctively, beautifully, re-calibrate, reassemble and recombobulate.
    One is perfect in one’s imperfection, innit.
    Just realised I miss you x

  3. Being your own witness is being present to you.
    You are perfect as you are right now, and your remembering that fact.
    When you unconditionally love yourself you are being of Service to the world, this is your work.
    Much love and thank you Jamie for being so courageous, I believe that the more just allow yourself gentleness the more you help me and the world to heal.

  4. Thank You very much for your words. That’s real spirituality. Also for me, this comes in the right moment. I use to be very hard with myself and my evolutions, sometimes is something almost imperceptible.
    Have a good day 🙂

  5. Thank you sooo much for this. You put words on what I have been experiencing for a while now. My two grown up children, especially my son, is struggling so hard whith this. I hope he´s gonna read this blog. As late as yeterday I spoked whith him and I said, you dont´have to get rid of anything, you don´t have to change anything, just embrace yourself, whith all that is you. And I know that it is easier sad and done, but I think that`s the point we are at now, all of us.
    Love from me

  6. Remember that the real ‘you’ is perfect, vast and like the enormous blue sky. The frustrations and fears are the passing storm clouds. They come, they go. Identify with your innate nature, some would say Buddha-nature, it is perfect already. It is the real you. And you don’t need to go anywhere to access it.

  7. Thank you for this post, Jaime. I just saw this on Facebook and was deeply moved by your words. Just this morning I had the same realization! That my path is not to try to goad myself into a more conscious, spiritual person, but instead to simply love for myself for all that I am, no matter what that entails. I’ve been plagued with anxiety for my whole life, and instead of castigating myself for not being calm enough, I’m going to put my energy into celebrating my courage. Imagine what the world would be like if we all put this kind of energy into loving ourselves!

  8. Thanks for bringing this in such lovely and consious way in to words!
    Embracing all that this I is and even embracing can be to much action..

    no effort
    nothing to do
    no way to be

  9. I am a person who is always working on me. I’ve often pondered accepting myself as I am vs. changing the parts of me that I don’t like. This post has given me a lot to think about. Thank you 🙂

  10. Nice take on it.. ive learnt its all about following your passions and your heart in life.. by doing that things you dont need start to fall away naturally anyway xx

  11. All Your blog entries reflect exactly the same processes going on in me. They have been for a while and are constantly challenging but it’s nice to read of others in the same place. I too have been at constant ‘work’ on myself… To fix, improve, change, better, perfect… Now I know I just need holding in my fragile states. Easier said than done! Blessed be

  12. It took me a long time to understand that I was star shaped peg being forced into a round hole even longer to accept I was the one doing the forcing, so I just let go…
    I was what I was.
    I is what I is.
    … … … … … ?

  13. I know this story well. There’s a part of me always seeking to grow and evolve, do this, do that, improve here and there. When I’ve been in India, Sri Lanka, Thailand etc I notice that it dissolves and I feel much more content and accepting.

    It is so empowering to accept ‘this is me’, this is my tale, my journey, I can only be me….as much as I’d like to be this or that person. The deepest joy is always in the moment, it’s always in the breathe, but the breathe brings emotion and that’s when we or I often jump out of the beauty of right here, right now. We are already doing what we need to do.

  14. Er, does that mean you’re not doing any more workshops?
    Cos I paid for me mates to come innit.
    He hee.
    Nice one Jamers. Think you”re onto something

  15. But this is exactly what I got from your workshop. To accept me as I am and mobilise those bits of me that were stagnant or negative, instead of trying to remould me. It was a great relief and made so much sense.

  16. Doing a workshop doesn’t have to be about ‘fixing’ yourself. It can be about choosing to engage in the process of evolution. The urge to evolve is natural to all life and doesn’t have to be a rejection of oneself as one currently is, but a choice to realise more of one’s potential as a human being.

  17. It’s good to just BE isn’t it?!
    I had to do a lot of ‘work’ on myself from quite an early age, I was a sick child, ridiculously sensitive, in and out of hospital a lot, I lived at Jacoby Children’s Ward at Pembury Hospital for 9 months when I was 8, food issues, chronic eczema, not being able to breathe and stuff, back when kids weren’t given counselling. I found my peace in my imagination and would draw, write and read for hours. I also taught myself to switch off from my body when the nurses held me down in salt baths and stuck needles in me, in fact I remember them thinking I was mad because I actually laughed at them! Abuse from an old and ‘respected’ alcoholic man didn’t help issues when I finally became ‘beautiful’ at 13, my boundaries between child and woman were very messed up, but LSD seemed to help.
    I spent into my late 20’s destroying myself, and at the same time powerfully saving myself, as I had learnt to do as a child, reading every self-help book under the sun, but just not getting ‘it’. It was like being on a constant rollercoaster, panic attacks, drinking, drugs, then intense meditation and abstinence from everything. I constantly beat myself up about everything, thinking I was bad, and always to blame. It was exhausting. I made some great theatre and wrote some fantastic songs though. I hit breakdown at 30.
    I don’t know why I’m writing all this now… ummm.. yeah, right.. I think around this time last year, after more and more ‘work on myself’, that I frankly couldn’t afford, and Hicks and Louise Hay clogging up my bookshelves, I just started to realise that I’m actually alright! Not going into stressful situations was actually ok, I had nothing to prove to anyone that I was ‘strong’ by doing so, apart from myself. Seeking ‘help’ for me then also felt violent towards myself, as you said.. why should I need help in managing anger, panic, deep sadness, why can’t I just be allowed to feel them?!!! There’s nothing wrong with me! I’m human!
    I still cope by accessing the eternal child in me, I’ve remained playful and love life. Most days anyway, these days, which is great. I’ve been single for 7 years, just having occasional lovers. I tend to go for guys who I don’t expect anything from, or who I know do not really want me, I’m lonely but I’m working on it, and enjoying observing myself.
    Friends keep telling me to go back to counselling, but just for now, I’m happy to just ‘be’. Neurotic, intense, highly strung, chilled, playful, emotional, sensitive, I long for adventure, I hide under duvets, I get really fucking angry and I shout at scarecrows. So what. I love me, I’m great.
    Phew, that was probably un-necessarily open, maybe boring, and long!…
    All I really meant to say is remain honest to human-Jamie, open and playful, we all love your work, and kid, you’re doing great 🙂
    Lots of love,

  18. Hi Jamie. I thought of this post when I read the following today. I think it is wonderful!:
    Life as an ongoing romance

    WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO WRITE YOUR LIFE story? There is only one way, and that way is with love. Love is the material I use to write my story because love comes directly from my integrity, from what I really am. I love the main character of my story, and the main character loves and enjoys every secondary character. I am not afraid to tell you, “I love you.” Your mind may say, “How can you love me when you don’t even know me?” I don’t need to know you. I don’t need to justify my love. I love you because this is my pleasure. Love coming out of me makes me happy, and it’s not important if you reject me because I don’t reject myself. In my story, I live in an ongoing romance, and everything is beautiful for me.

    To live in love is to be alive again. It is to return to your integrity, to what you were before knowledge. When you recover your integrity, you always follow love. You live your life as an eternal romance because when you love yourself, it is easy to love everybody else. You feel so good just being by yourself, and when you gather with other people, it’s because you want to share your happiness. You love so much that you don’t need anybody’s love to make you happy. But this doesn’t mean that you don’t accept love. Of course you accept love. You accept good food, good wine, good music, why not good love?
    If you can see yourself as an artist, and you can see that your life is your own creation, then why not create the most beautiful story for yourself? It’s your story, and it’s just a choice. You can write a story based on love and romance, but that love has to begin with yourself. I suggest that you start a brand-new relationship between you and yourself. You can have the most wonderful, romantic love relationship, and the way to have it is by changing your agreements.
    One agreement you can make is to treat yourself with respect. Introduce the agreement of self-respect, and tell the voice in your head, “It’s time for us to respect each other.” Many of the judgments will end there, and most of the self-rejection will end there, too. Then you can allow the voice to talk, but the dialogue will be much better. You will have all of these great ideas, these great dialogues in your head, and when you express them to other people, they will love what you are saying. You will find yourself smiling and having fun, even when you are just by yourself.
    You can see why the relationship with yourself is so important. When you have conflict with yourself, when you don’t like yourself, or even worse, when you hate yourself, the internal dialogue is contaminated with poison, and that is the way you talk to yourself. When you love yourself, even if the voice of knowledge is in your head, it is nice to you. When you love yourself, when you are kind to yourself, that is a good relationship with yourself. Then every relationship you have will improve, but it always begins with yourself.
    How can we expect to be kind when we speak with other people if we are not kind to ourselves? We have the need to express what we feel, and we express our emotions through our voice. If we don’t feel good, if we are full of emotional poison, we need to release it. That is why we have the need to curse, to release all of the emotions that are trapped in our head. If we have anger or jealousy that needs to come out, our words will carry those emotions. If the voice of knowledge is abusing us, then that voice will treat others the same way. If we are having fun with ourselves, that is what we project to the outside.
    The first step toward improving your relationship with yourself is to accept yourself just the way you are. You don’t need to learn how to love yourself. You need to unlearn all of the reasons why you reject yourself, and by nature you love yourself. You love not the image you project or the way you are, but you love yourself because of what you are. Then you start to enjoy yourself until you love yourself so much that you give yourself everything you need. You don’t leave yourself until last anymore. The more you enjoy the presence of yourself, the more you enjoy your life, and the more you enjoy the presence of everyone around you.
    When you love, you honor and respect life. When you live your life with love, honor, and respect, the story you create is an ongoing romance. To love life is to enjoy every manifestation of life, and it is effortless. It is as easy as inhaling and exhaling. To breathe is the greatest need of the human body, and air is the greatest gift. You can be so grateful for the air that just to breathe is enough to love. How can you show your gratitude for the gift of air? By enjoying every breath. When you focus on that enjoyment, you can make it a habit to enjoy the air, and you can enjoy it at least seventeen or eighteen times per minute. Just to breathe is enough to always be happy, to always be in love.
    But this is just one direction that love can take. Every activity of our life can become a ritual of love. We have the need for food, and we can do the same thing with food that we do with air. Food is also love, and when we enjoy our food, when we really taste it and feel the texture, it is one of the most sensual experiences we can have. There is so much love in the action of eating, and if we use a new mantra every time we eat, we increase the pleasure. The mantra is just one sound: “Mmmm.” If we practice loving our food every time we eat, soon it becomes a habit. It becomes a ritual that we use to give our thanks, to express our love, and to receive love without resistance.
    Communication can be another way to express our love. Every time we share our story or listen to another person’s story, we can practice sharing our love. One of the assignments I used to give my apprentices was to find at least a thousand different ways of saying “I love you” in one week. When you practice all of these different ways of saying “I love you,” your heart opens completely to hear the whole of creation telling you, “I love you.” And you don’t need to justify or explain that love. You just receive love and give love without even trying to understand or make a story about it.
    When you have the courage to open your heart completely to love, a miracle happens. You start perceiving the reflection of your love in everything. Then eating, walking, talking, singing, dancing, showering, working, playing — everything you do becomes a ritual of love. When everything becomes a ritual of love, you are no longer thinking; you are feeling and enjoying life. You find pleasure in every activity you do because you love to do it. Just to be alive is wonderful, and you feel intensely happy.
    People have asked me, “Miguel, are you happy all the time? Don’t you ever get cranky?” Well, to be cranky is completely normal. Sometimes I’m cranky when I don’t get enough sleep. If I only sleep two hours in the night, I don’t feel good when I awaken; I feel rrrraar! But that rrraar is not directed toward anybody. Why should I be unkind to anybody just because I’m feeling bad and my body is telling me I want to sleep more? If in that moment I cannot satisfy my body, I finish doing whatever I have to do, and then I take my body to a bed and put my body to sleep.
    I have the right to feel cranky, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to hurt my beloved or my children or my friends or the people who work for me. If we are selfish and we feel cranky, then we believe that nobody has the right to be happy around us. Then we say, “Why are you laughing when I feel so bad?” This is nothing but selfishness, and we are selfish with others because we are selfish with ourselves. Whatever we feel for ourselves, we project onto others. The way we treat ourselves is the way we treat others.
    Writing your story with love is so easy to do. Why make it complicated and difficult when love is your true nature? By not being what you are, you resist love, and you are afraid to love because you believe one of the biggest lies, and that lie is “love hurts.” As I said before, love doesn’t hurt. Love gives us pleasure. But you can even use love to hurt yourself. Someone may really love you, but you don’t appreciate that love because you are hearing your own lies. You can say, “What does that person want from me? He wants to take advantage of me.” Who knows what the storyteller will tell you?
    If you don’t perceive love, if you cannot recognize love, it’s because you only recognize the poison inside you. I am responsible for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you understand. I can give you my love, but you can make the interpretation that you are receiving judgments, or who knows? Only your storyteller knows. When we no longer believe our own stories, we find it so easy to enjoy one another.
    Humans are made for love. Before knowledge, it was easy to open our heart and to love, and we just walked away from whatever was not love. But with the voice of knowledge in our head, we walk away from love, and we go for what is not love. We always have a choice, and if we love ourselves, we choose love. We do not allow ourselves to be hurt by accepting other people’s opinions or abuse. If other people abuse us, they are abusing us because we stay there, because we allow that to happen. And if we stay, it’s because we believe that we deserve the abuse, and we are using them for self-punishment. If we don’t have awareness, we blame, when the solution is not to blame. The solution is to step aside and not be there.
    How can you believe someone who says, “I love you,” and then treats you with disrespect and emotional violence? How can someone say, “I love you,” when that person wants to control your life, to tell you what you have to do, what you have to believe? How can someone claim to love you, and then give you emotional garbage, jealousy, and envy?
    How can we tell someone, “I love you,” and then send all our opinions against the person we love and try to make that person suffer? I have to tell you what is wrong with you because “I love you.” I have to judge you, find you guilty, and punish you because “I love you.” I have to make you wrong all the time, and make you feel like you are good for nothing because “I love you.” And because you love me, you have to put up with my anger, with my jealousy, with all my stupidity.
    Do you think this is love? This is not love. This is nothing but selfishness, and we call it love. And we say “love hurts,” but we are hurting ourselves with our own lies. All of the struggle in romantic relationships is just nonsense. It is not love, and that is why people are starving for love.
    When you are needy, this is what you share in a relationship. But when you are open to love, you receive love, and if it’s not love, you don’t have to be there. You are open to receiving love, but you are not open to receiving abuse. You are not open to being blamed; you are not open to receiving anybody’s poison because your mind is no longer fertile ground for that. When you love and respect yourself, there is no way that you ever allow anybody to disrespect you or dishonor you.
    Many people come to me and say, “Gosh, I want someone who loves me. I want the right man or the right woman to come into my life.” Who is the right man or the right woman? It’s not about them; it’s about you. If that person comes into your life, and you treat that person the way you treat yourself, which means with selfishness, then you are going to use that person to hurt yourself.
    How can we want a romantic relationship when we don’t even like ourselves? How can we pretend to love somebody else when we don’t love ourselves? When you feel unworthy, when you don’t respect yourself, you don’t respect your partner either. If you don’t honor yourself, how can you honor your partner? How can you give anything that you don’t have for yourself? The most beautiful and romantic relationship has to begin with you. You are responsible for one half of the relationship: your half. When you respect yourself, you respect your beloved. When you honor yourself, you honor your beloved. And you give love and accept love. But when you are full of poison, this is what you give. When you abuse yourself, you want to abuse your beloved. It’s just nonsense.
    When you hear people’s stories, including your own, you hear nothing but lies. But behind the story, everything is love, which means everything and everybody is divine. You are divine you are perfect, but as an artist, you create your own story and you have the illusion that the story is real. You live your life by justifying that story. And by justifying the story, you are wasting your life.
    As I’ve said before, life is very short. You don’t know if your children, or your friends, or your beloved will still be here tomorrow. Just imagine that your opinion is so important that you have a big fight with your partner or your child. You lose control because of all of the lies you believe, and you really hurt your loved one. The next day you discover that your loved one is dead. How will you feel about telling your loved one all of those things you didn’t really mean?
    Our life is so short that every time I see my children, I enjoy them as much as I can. Whenever I can, I enjoy my beloved, my family, my friends, my apprentices. But mainly I enjoy myself, because I am with myself all the time. Why should I spend my precious time with myself judging myself, rejecting myself, creating guilt and shame? Why should I push myself to be angry or jealous? If I don’t feel good emotionally, I find out what is causing it and I fix it. Then I can recover my happiness and keep going with my story.
    When you write your story with love, you love the main character unconditionally. That is the biggest difference between the old story based on lies and the new story based on love. When you love yourself unconditionally, you justify and explain everything you perceive through the eyes of love. When that new main character hooks your attention, your attention is focused on love. Now it is easy to love all the secondary characters of the story unconditionally because that is the nature of the new main character. This is wisdom; it is simple common sense, and it’s the goal of all the different traditions and religions around the world.
    Love is so simple, so easy and wonderful, but love begins with you. Every relationship improves when you love yourself and live with awareness of your love. Few people know how to love with awareness, but everybody knows how to love without awareness. When you love without awareness, you don’t even notice that it’s love you’re feeling. You see a little child smiling at you, and you feel something for that child. This is love, but of course the voice of knowledge tells you, “This is not love.” You love so many times, and you don’t even notice that you love.
    Love and respect are what we should also teach our children, but the only way to teach them love and respect is to love and respect ourselves. There is no other way. Again, we can only give what we have, not what we don’t have. I can only share what I know. I cannot tell you anything that I don’t know. My parents taught me what they learned from their parents. How could they teach me something different? They could not do better than that. I cannot blame my parents for the programming I received. I cannot blame my teachers for the training I received in school. They did their best; it was the only thing they knew, and they passed it on to the next generation.
    The only chance to break the chain of lies is to change the adults, to change ourselves. Children are very aware. They learn from what we do; they learn what they see, not just what we say. We tell them, “Never lie to anybody.” Later, somebody is knocking on the door, and we say, “Tell them I’m not here.” Whatever we do at home, the way we behave, the way we treat one another, is what our children learn. If we are never at home, that becomes normal behavior for them. When they grow up, they are not at home either, and their children are alone. The way we speak is the way they speak. If we curse at home, they curse, too. If they receive violence, they deliver violence. If we fight and share our anger and our poison, our children learn that this is the normal way of being, and this is how they learn to write their own stories. But if there is respect and honor at home, if there is love at home, this is what they learn.
    By changing ourselves, by loving ourselves, the message we deliver to our children carries the seeds of love and truth. These seeds go into our children, and these seeds can change their lives. Imagine how our children will grow up when we share with them the seeds of love instead of the seeds of fear, judgment, shame, or blame. Imagine how they will grow up when we finally respect them as humans just like us, and we don’t try to break their integrity because we are bigger and stronger. Imagine when we teach our children to be secure in themselves, and to have their own voice. Imagine how everything will change if we bring respect to any relationship.
    People have asked me why I don’t work with children, and the reason is because they have parents. It doesn’t matter what I tell children; it is undone by their parents. I prefer to teach parents and teachers because our children learn from them. Our future as a human race depends on children. Children will take our place one day, and we are training them to be like us. Just imagine if your parents had told you a different story when you were a child. Your life story would be completely different. But you can still change your story, and if you have children, the only way to change their story is to change your own.
    To love is so easy; it’s not work at all. But we have so much work to do, and that work is to unlearn all of the lies that we believe. Unlearning lies is not easy because we feel safe with our lies; we are very attached to them. But the more we practice seeing the truth, the easier it becomes to detach from our lies. Transforming our life gets easier with practice, and our life gets better and better.
    The more love we have, the more love we can share and receive. To give to one another and receive from one another is the purpose of a relationship. We don’t need a lot of words. When we share time with someone, what is important is to communicate with feelings, not with words. But if we want to share words, we don’t need anything complicated. It’s just three words: “I love you.” That’s it. What makes you happy is not the love that other people feel for you, but the love you feel for other people.
    Once we experience love, we can’t find the words to explain what we really feel, but to love is the greatest experience that any of us can have. To experience love is to experience God; it is to experience heaven right here and now. When the voice of knowledge is no longer hooking our attention, our perception becomes much wider. We start perceiving our own emotional reactions, and we start perceiving other people’s emotional reactions. Then we start perceiving the emotions that come from the trees, from the flowers, from the clouds, from everything. We see love coming from everywhere, even from other people. At a certain point, we are simply in ecstasy, and there are no words to explain it because there are no agreements yet about how to explain it.
    What we call love is something that is so generic that it’s not even what love really is. Love is much more than words can describe. As I said before, we cannot really talk about the truth; we need to experience the truth. The same is true of love. The only way to really know love is to experience love, to have the courage to jump into the ocean of love, and perceive it in its totality. That is the only way, but we are programmed with so much fear that we don’t see the love coming from all around us. We look for love in other people when they don’t love themselves. Of course we won’t find love there; we only find selfishness and a war of control.
    You don’t have to search for love. Love is here because God is here; the force of life is everywhere. We humans create the story of separation, and we search for what we believe we don’t have. We search for perfection, for love, for truth, for justice, and we search and search when everything is inside of us. Everything is here; we just need to open our spiritual eyes to see it.
    There is nothing you need to do to improve what you really are. The only thing left for all of us to do is to create a beautiful story and enjoy a better life. How do you create a beautiful story? By being authentic. When the main character is authentic, it is easy to write your story with integrity, with common sense, with love.
    Life is the greatest gift that we receive, and the art of living is the greatest art. How do you master the art of living? Practice makes the master. It’s not about learning; it’s about taking action and practicing your art. As an artist, if you practice love, and you keep practicing and practicing, the moment comes when everything you do is an expression of your love. How “will you know when you have mastered love? When the story you tell yourself is an ongoing romance.

    ~ Excerpt From: Don Miguel Ruiz & Janet Mills. “The Voice of Knowledge.”

  19. Thank you Jamie. Even though I now realise I don’t need it to change me and make me better because there’s something wrong in the first place, i’ll be at one of your workshops! Merely to hear your beautiful words 🙂

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